Article

More than food: how to keep feeding from becoming a battle over every spoonful

Responsive feeding versus rigid schedules: why your baby's cues matter more than grams.

Two babies sitting on a kitchen counter holding food

What responsive feeding is

The approach to introducing solids has changed dramatically over the last decade. Today we talk less and less about how many grams of purée a baby should eat or how many times a day to sit them at the table, and more about how to shape their relationship with food. At the heart of this approach is responsive feeding: parents follow the baby's own cues rather than tables from the internet or food introduction schedules that have nothing to do with your particular child.

Responsive feeding is a process in which the adult feeds the baby in response to their individual reactions and needs. It helps the child develop self-regulation: they learn to eat when they are hungry and to stop when they are full.

The division of responsibility

The foundation of this method was laid by dietitian Ellyn Satter in her concept of the division of responsibility.

The parent's responsibility. The parent decides what, where and when the child eats. This includes choosing good-quality food, setting up a safe place to eat (an upright position, no distracting gadgets) and keeping to a routine.
The child's responsibility. The child decides how much they eat and whether they eat at all.

How do you learn to “read” your baby?

We start by watching for signs of hunger and fullness. Babies can't talk, but they are very good at communicating their needs through body language.

Signs of hunger: the baby reaches for food, opens their mouth as the spoon approaches, shows delight or excitement at the sight of food and may make particular sounds.
Signs of fullness: the baby closes their mouth, turns their head away, pushes the plate away, slows down or starts actively playing with the food instead of eating it.

As soon as your baby shows signs of fullness, the meal should end.

A baby sitting on a kitchen counter with a whisk and a piece of carrot

Why I am firmly against rigid norms and weaning schedules

The traditional paediatric approach often requires a baby to eat their “portion” (for example, 150–200 g of courgette) at any cost. This carries serious risks: parents almost inevitably start using pressure tactics at mealtimes, and sometimes outright force-feeding: feeding in front of cartoons, coaxing, distractions, swapping the food the baby wants for one they dislike right in front of their mouth. In especially severe cases, the baby's hands are held and their head is fixed so they can't refuse, and they are fed by force.

Feeding under pressure like this (and both gentle forms of pressure and serious forms of force-feeding have this effect) makes the baby avoid the negative experience and sensations and refuse food. The longer pressure tactics are used, the more persistent the refusal becomes. If solids are started without waiting for signs of readiness, without responsiveness and with pressure, then just 1.5–2 months later parents face a total refusal of solid food.

What can you do in that case?

Start all over again, and above all use responsive feeding. When your baby feels like a full participant in the process, their fear and anxiety at mealtimes will ease, they will refuse food less, and they will gradually learn the key skills of this age: chewing, forming a bolus of food and swallowing it. Shared meals and responsive feeding play a crucial role in developing healthy eating behaviour, so don't neglect this important rule.

So what should parents do?

Trust your baby: if they have eaten two spoonfuls and turned away, that is enough for their body right now. Don't offer “just one more spoonful”; rely on their built-in sense, so that the baby can learn for themselves whether they want more or the meal is over.
Remove anything that might distract your baby: turn off the TV, put away phones and toys at the table. Your baby needs to focus on the taste and smell of the food to be aware of what they are eating and that it is a pleasant experience.
Eat together: shared meals are the best way to learn, because children learn by copying adults. Seeing you eat with appetite, your baby will want to try the food too (and will try to grab it).
Let them explore food: touching, smearing and exploring the texture of food with their hands is a necessary stage of discovering the world and helps prevent food neophobia.

Please remember that your task when introducing solids is not to feed your baby at any cost, but to introduce them to foods: their look, colour, taste and texture. Breast milk or formula is still the main source of nutrition, and solids are an exciting kind of learning built on love and mutual trust.

A smiling baby in an apron sitting in the kitchen with a bowl and a whisk

Want to understand weaning in more depth?

Which foods to introduce, how and when? How do you teach your baby to eat pieces of food? I invite you to my course on introducing solids, “O da! Eda!” (“Oh yes, food!”), a practical guide to building a harmonious relationship between your child and food.

The course includes 10 lectures packed with detailed, concise information about this important start to your baby's journey into the world of food tastes, colours and textures.

Who is the course for? For mothers of babies aged 3 to 9 months: whether you are just getting ready to introduce solids and want to understand how it all works, or you have already started and something has gone wrong, you will find useful information about foods for your baby, suitable textures, safe ways to offer pieces of food and the main stages of a child's nutrition.